There was a time when Valentine’s Day wasn’t just a date on the calendar—it was an event. The kind that came with the pressure of expectations, the potential for cinematic romance, and, inevitably, some level of disappointment.
In my early 20s, I had my first boyfriend, which meant Valentine’s Day was a big deal. I wanted surprises, romance, and grand gestures—the works. If there was no thoughtful gift or at least some kind of effort, I was crushed, not in a full-blown tantrum kind of way, but in the subtle, lingering way that makes you wonder if you’re really as special to someone as you think. Of course, that kind of thinking was a recipe for disaster. The day would come and go, and while it was sometimes sweet, it was never quite the Hollywood moment I imagined.
Somewhere between then and my late 20s, Valentine’s Day lost its shine. I had another boyfriend, but by then, we treated it like just another day. Work, coffee, home—no gifts, no elaborate plans. It wasn’t terrible, just… neutral. And that’s the thing—I had stopped expecting anything. Not in an enlightened, I-don’t-need-validation way, but in a resigned, this-is-how-it-is way. But even then, a part of me still wanted something special.
That’s probably why, when I wasn’t in a relationship, I took matters into my own hands. I’d buy myself gifts, take myself out, make myself feel special—because why wait for someone else to do it? In hindsight, that was probably the best thing I ever did.
The 30s Shift: No Panic, No Pity
Now, in my 30s, I haven’t had a boyfriend for Valentine’s Day, and honestly? I’m fine with it. I’m not one of those people who roll their eyes at couples celebrating or make cynical comments about how it’s all just capitalism and overpriced roses (even though, technically, it is). I like seeing couples go all out. It’s sweet. It’s just… not something I feel I’m missing out on anymore.
That’s the shift, really. The difference between my 20’s and 30’s isn’t about whether or not I have someone—it’s about my expectations. Back then, I thought romance was about grand gestures, that a good Valentine’s Day meant you were in a good relationship, and that not having plans on the 14th was some kind of personal failure. Now? I know that romance is about consistency, not a single day of performative effort.
Because here’s the thing: if your partner needs Valentine’s Day to remind them to be romantic, you’ve probably got bigger problems.
Advice to My 20-Something Self
If I could go back, I’d tell my younger self a few things:
- Valentine’s Day is just a day. A fun one, sure, but it doesn’t define your relationship—or your worth. If someone loves you properly, February 14th will just be another example of it, not the only one.
- Expectations aren’t the enemy, but misplaced ones are. Wanting romance isn’t the problem. Wanting it from someone who consistently doesn’t show up for you? That’s a problem.
- You don’t need a boyfriend to feel special. If you’re waiting for someone else to make you feel loved, you’re already giving them too much power.
- Celebrate how you want. Take yourself out. Stay in. Buy yourself something ridiculous and heart-shaped. Do whatever makes you happy, not what you think you should be doing.
So, What’s the Plan This Year?
A decade ago, I would have obsessed over what I was doing for Valentine’s Day. Now? I’ll go to work, come home, and if I’m feeling fancy, maybe treat myself to a nice meal. Not because I’m single, but because why wouldn’t I? If my 20s taught me anything, it’s that the best Valentine’s Day gift is the one you don’t have to drop hints for.
And honestly? That’s a love story worth celebrating.
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