In the midst of a successful career in her ‘40s, Shanthi Kasi decided to pause, take a look at her life, and fulfil one of her biggest dreams. She enrolled in an art school, and thirteen years later, she not only has notable achievements to her name but has found a new way of living life. This is her story.
“A significant part of my working career was in marketing research. By the age of 40, I had travelled, lived and worked across four continents—Asia (India), Africa (Abidjan, Cote d’Ivoire and Kenya, Nairobi ), the USA (Massachusetts) and Australia (Melbourne). In my late thirties, I moved back home to Mumbai, India, as I missed having extended family around.
In 2008, I turned 40. I was working in a senior position for an international market research company based in Mumbai. A few incidents took place that made me reevaluate my life. I asked myself what I wanted to do with the rest of my life.
I had done most of the things people aspire to in life—travelled, had a decent career, made some money, experienced a certain luxury etc. Acquisition of material things had never really mattered to me. I sought a life rich with experience.
Taking A Break From My Career In My ‘40s
I decided to take a year off from work and do all the things that I wanted to. My decision to take the sabbatical year was triggered by the death of three young women known to my family. One was 20, one was 30, and one was 50 years old. Their sudden demise within a span of three to four months highlighted the fragility of human life. The death of these women made me reflect on how I was living my life. What would I have achieved if I died at 50? I would have just worked, earned and died. That is all. It made me ask myself, what is it that I wanted out of my life? What did I really want to do?
My sabbatical year started on 1st January 2009. I joined a yoga class, taught at a municipal school for a couple of months with Teach India, and formed an art group with working professionals. I did a lot of creative work during the year’s first half. In May, one day, whilst painting, there came a moment when I felt that ‘the painting was coming through me’, and it wasn’t I who was painting. That experience was inexplicable and incredible. It recalled my desire to study at an art school (an unfulfilled desire). I decided to apply to art school. Through the years, I had been painting on and off and had a portfolio of work. I applied to three art schools and was admitted to all—Shantiniketan, Sir J.J. School of Art and Rachna Sansad. I took it as a sign from the universe.
Going Back To School In My ‘40s
I intended to join art school for six months and return to work at the end of the sabbatical year. Even then, I did not join art school with the intent of becoming an artist. It was to fulfil an unmet desire. At the end of the sabbatical year and six months in art school, I decided to complete the first year and then return to work. At the end of the first year, I knew this was it. There was no going back.
My experience of going back to school in my ‘40s was simply fabulous. For the first time in my life, I didn’t care about ‘performance’ or ‘marks’. I was highly focused and worked hard. I was more than double the age of my classmates, but that did not bother me. I was older than some parents of my classmates. As soon as I entered the school gates, I became 18 years old (in my mind) and behaved like a young person, so much so that over time, my young colleagues forgot about my age and treated me like one of them.
Because I had stopped working and earning, I was cautious with money. My lifestyle underwent a massive change as I started taking public transport and stopped spending on non-essentials.
I had faith that things would work out, and they did! Like Shahrukh Khan’s dialogue, ‘Jab kuch cheez pure dil se chahte ho, saari kayanat saath deta hai’, I have experienced this throughout my life. I am not saying that life is easy or that there won’t be obstacles. However, the universe has a way of providing support if you are sincere and committed to whatever you do.
- Also Read: #TheMLCStories: “I Went Back To College In My ‘40s, & It Was The Best Decision Of My Life”
Finding Support Around Me
My family thought I was mad to give up a successful career and good money to get into art. They secretly thought I would realise my mistake in a few months and get back on track. My friends and colleagues felt that I was having a midlife crisis. No one believed that I was serious. Looking back, I sometimes wonder how I took such a decision. Thankfully, at 40, I could see a world full of possibilities. Honestly, at a later age, I doubt if I would have the energy to do what I did. I think that the timing was just right then.
It helped that I wasn’t dependent monetarily on my family or anyone else. I did not have any dependents either at the time. I was single and free to live my life as I chose without impacting anyone else. All these were also contributing factors.
I just ignored my critics. I had faith in myself and my abilities. That’s all that mattered.
What I Love About Being An Artist
Today, I love being an artist as I am not answerable to anyone for what I do. I set my own goals and my criteria for fulfilment as an artist. I take care to be conscious about not being driven by external factors like money and fame. I love what I do and enjoy my work’s impact on viewers. Art allows me to share how I see the world and allow others to experience it and delight in it. That is my biggest payoff.
I promised myself I wouldn’t compromise how I work to attain money or fame. I respect money and fame. I consider them a good by-product, an excellent bonus. They aren’t my drivers. To hold on to this as a life motto requires a very firm commitment to the self because, at the end of the day, I also live in society and am influenced by my environment, which pushes for achievement and recognition. It is a matter of righting oneself when that happens. I had promised myself I would not run the rat race in art. I gave up a different career with a lot of money to pursue what I love. My achievement is the satisfaction in my creation and the appreciation of those who love my work.
Dealing With The Highs And Lows
When I am in the productive zone, my mind is active 24/7. Even if I am cooking or doing some other task, at the time, my mind will be thinking about work. During my lull period: I go through blank phases. During this phase, I read, watch OTT, go for long walks, catch up with friends and allow subconscious percolation to happen. Initially, the lull periods used to freak me out. I used to think that this was the end. However, over time, I realised that such phases are normal and that creativity is boundless. There is no end, thankfully. One cannot keep creating all the time. One may have a multitude of creative ideas that take time to fruition. Some ideas you place on the back burner and allow to simmer until they can take a life of their own. At some level, art happens when we don’t consciously drive it. All we can do is engage in our thoughts, read, look at the world around us and soak in everything. These ingredients come together organically over time for art to emerge.
Dealing With Ageism In The Industry
There are very few fellowships or residency opportunities for artists like myself who have taken up art as a profession later in life. I was rejected for the master’s program by Maharaja Sayajirao University (MSU) Vadodara. A senior faculty on the jury bluntly told me that younger artists have a long career ahead of them. Even for galleries, ‘age’ matters. A young person has, on average, 40 years ahead of them in the profession. One gallerist told me your work is good, but collectors evaluate based on an artist’s credentials- where you study, the scholarships you win, how long you have been practising in the field etc. For me, restricted opportunities coupled with older age is a double whammy.
Despite these limitations, I have been fortunate to have met people who believe in me and my work and do not have an age bias. Thanks to these people, I got some beautiful opportunities workwise. The world is large and offers space for all kinds of people. I believe that if one keeps working, opportunities will come up.
My motto is to keep working, keep the faith and stay true to my beliefs and value system. Interestingly, my competitors, the young people, aren’t ageist. They accept me unconditionally, for which I am thankful.
Finding My Life’s Purpose In My ‘40s
Art is a part of me; it gives me a reason to live. Everyone is born to do something with their lives. I discovered late in life that I was meant to be an artist. I am content with my choice. Art is my life’s purpose and my anchor as well. I feel blessed to have found my calling in life. People tell me that I am brave. I don’t see myself as brave. I just followed my heart and did what came naturally. Like a stream that travels far from its source, navigating rocks, mountains and challenging terrain, I traversed a long way, gathering various experiences along the way before I met my ocean.
I am truly happy to have reached a stage in life where I feel centred and comfortable with who I am. I am happy to be me. My life has been challenging, and I am who I am today because of my resilience, positive attitude and ability to adapt to changing circumstances.
Many people feel the need for a change mid-life. I first ask them to identify what they would like to do. Perhaps different things interest them. I advise giving a few hours a week to whatever interests them. Sometimes it is just a matter of adding variety to routine; it may not be about making a sea change. One may enjoy doing something because it is a change from routine. However, the same activity may not give pleasure or sustain interest when pursued as a profession.
Ask yourself these questions:
What else am I interested in? Start learning and practising that for some months. You will find time to do it alongside your current job if you truly love it. Don’t quit work abruptly. Reduce your working hours or try working part-time until you switch to your new full-time interest.
Are you financially independent? For how many years can you sustain yourself without making money? Is there a support system you can fall back on if not financially strong?
Do you want to monetise your area of interest or not? If yes, how do you plan to go about it? Would it give you sufficient returns to sustain the lifestyle you want to have?
What is the lifestyle that you are comfortable with? Be honest with yourself.
Why do you want the change? Are you running away from something? Wherever you go, whatever you do, there will be people, competition and politics. You cannot escape this.
Will you be able to come back to the workforce if whatever you want to try out does not work out?
Are you willing to deal with potential failure? Will you be okay failing?
I would tell the person to ask themselves these questions before making any life-changing decisions. I asked myself some of these questions. There was a planned and pragmatic side to my decision, although at some level, it was also a ‘moment of madness’.
The Milestones I Am Looking Forward To
Today I am proud of many of my achievements. From getting a university rank in my BFA final year to being a part of some of the most prestigious residency programs in India
and meeting my personal goal of having my first solo show at 50 (okay, I was 51, but it was special nonetheless). Having Milestones are essential as structural goalposts, but they are not yardsticks to live by. As a friend beautifully expressed in Hindi, ‘Mukaam apni jagah hai aur zindagi apni jagah’.
As I look forward to the next decade of my career, I want to create a body of work for which I will be remembered. I find myself wanting to give back to society as I get older. This is an area that I would like to explore actively.
If you wish to check out Shanthi’s art and connect with her, these are her details: Website | Instagram | Facebook
Lead image photographer: Darshan Gurav (for Shanthi Kasi). All images are used with permission from Shanthi Kasi.
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